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Author Topic: Deer On Steroids!  (Read 2495 times)

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Offline HD

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Zoologists Discover New Fastest Land Animal After Pumping White-Tailed Deer Full Of Steroids



MADISON, WI—Shedding new light on the now-500-pound forest-dwelling antlered ungulant, zoologists at the University of Wisconsin–Madison announced the discovery of a new fastest land animal Friday after systematically subjecting a white-tailed deer to a regimen of specially tailored anabolic steroids. “Some cheetahs can temporarily reach a speed as high as 75 mph, which for much of history made them the fastest terrestrial mammal. Well, that was yesterday—we got an eight-point buck jacked to the gills on PEDs to blow those f***ing kittycats right out of the water,” said wildlife biologist Dr. Richard McCann, whose 18-month research project and high-intensity fast-twitch-fiber-building synthetic hormone project has proven his theory that a deer whose testosterone output was increased by a factor of 30 could potentially break the national interstate speed limit. “The Odocoileus virginianus was never forced to evolve outright speed as a means of catching prey like the pronghorn or the wildebeest, so it maxed out around 30 mph. But once we got this little guy juicing, his hind legs alone gained over 40 pounds of pure muscle mass with less than 1 percent body fat. We got him leaving gazelles in the goddamn dust.” The white-tail easily broke the 85-mph goal set by McCann, reaching a top speed of 86.3 mph before developing several mood disorders, heart disease, testicular cancer, kidney failure, hypertension, and suffering frequent uncontrollable bouts of aggression and violence.
Mama always said, If you ain't got noth'in nice to say, don't say noth'in at all!

Offline Rebel SS

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So, why would anyone do that to an animal? Who was overseeing this stuff? Seriously, I can't believe this is a true story...plus a deer jacked up couldn't hit that speed if he had rocket packs on his back and roller skates on his hooves...... I think yer funnin' us, HD...aren't ya? Huh? Huh? :bonk:
« Last Edit: December 12/08/18, 05:48:20 PM by Rebel SS »

Offline LPS

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Couldn't agree more Rebs.  I don't buy the 85 mph a bit neither. 

Offline HD

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It was on the internet, so it has to be true!  :rotflmao:
Mama always said, If you ain't got noth'in nice to say, don't say noth'in at all!

Offline mike89

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that last line sounds like lots of people!!!    :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
a bad day of fishing is still better than a good day at work!!

Offline savage270

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"You can't believe everything you read on the internet" - Abraham Lincoln

Offline Rebel SS

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The deer get faster all the time.   

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« Last Edit: December 12/10/18, 08:34:01 AM by Rebel SS »

Offline Steve-o

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If you want to *make* the fastest land animal, why wouldn't you give the 'roids to the cheetah?

...just sayin'.

Offline Outdoors Junkie

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If you want to *make* the fastest land animal, why wouldn't you give the 'roids to the cheetah?

...just sayin'.

That's easy, cause there are no cheetah's in Wisconsin!  ;)
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