What's your Valentine gunna say?.......

[Lee Borgersen]

  What's your Valentine gunna say?....... Post um here. 
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Collards is green,
my dog's name is Blue
And I'm so lucky to have
a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like corn silk
a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's
and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
but I luv you anyway.
Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can.

You have some'a yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd.
On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
Well, I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.



Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
What I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape,
yo're there fer yore man,
To patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can.



Yo're as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants
I found in my bed.
Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
You spark up my life
more than a fresh load of dirt.



When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.
Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin'.
Despite all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin'.



Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
We go together
like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men,
they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way.



Some men git roses
on that special day
From the cooler at Kroger.
That's impressive," I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever,"
they explain, suave and couth.



But for this man, honey,
these won't do.
Cause yor'e too special,
you sweet thang you.
I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor,
More useful than diamonds......
IT'S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR!! 

[Fawkinnae]

Lee's one stop Valentine Boutique.

[MTCOMMER]

Little David comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"

David's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"

"Osama Bin Laden," David says.

"Why Osama Bin Laden," his father asks in shock.

"Well," David says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."

His father's heart swells and he looks at his boy with newfound pride.

"David, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."

"I know," David says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines can shoot his ass."