Lawyers

[GRIZ]

Ain't this too true.

The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from
the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the
lawyer a visit in his lavish office.
The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that
even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give
a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your
community through the United Way?"
The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, "First, did your research
also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and
she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, "Uh... no, I didn't know
that."
"Secondly," says the lawyer, "my brother, a disabled veteran, is
blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and
six children."
The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut
off again. "Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's
husband died in dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a
mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that
has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, "I'm so sorry,
I had no idea."
And the lawyer says, "So...if I didn't give any money to them, what
makes you think I'd give any to you?"

[GRIZ]

Bill and Hillary are at the Yankee season opener sitting in the first row, with the Secret Service agents directly behind them. One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill. At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head. The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was at the unanimous request of the entire team, from the owner on down to the bat boy." Bill hesitates...but begins to change his mind when the agent tells him the fans would love it! Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, "Okay, if that's what the people want."


With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right
over the wall onto the field. She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming, "I'll kill you! You Mother *%$%**!!!.." The crowd goes absolutely wild. Fans
are jumping up & down, cheering, hooting & hollering, and high-fiving. Bill
is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd. He leans over to the agent
and says, "How about that! I would have never believed how much
everyone would enjoy that!" Noticing his agent has gone totally pale,
he asks what is wrong. The agent replies, "Sir, I said they wanted you to throw out the first 'pitch'