Abit a humor today? You auld pharts need a laugh now an then!!!!!

[dew2]

Smile it aint hard!! OOPS there is that glenn reb sex thing SORRY!


♦ I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?
 
♦ Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
 
♦ I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
 
♦ When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
 
♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
 
♦  America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.
 
♦ You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.
 
♦ Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
 
♦ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.
 
♦ I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
 
♦ Money talks ...but all mine ever says is good-bye.
 
♦ You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.
 
♦ If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
 
 
♦ I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “ Sag Harbor .”
 
♦ My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
 
♦ My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.
 
♦ Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!
 
♦ The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
 
♦The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
 
♦ I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.
 
♦ Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!
 
♦ The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.
 

[glenn57]

i'm not and auld phart.............but they were still funny!!!!!!!!!!

[Rebel SS]

 

[mike89]