laws of nature

[trout whisperer]

Law of nature, number one. 1. THAT BITES:

Once in nature you will be bitten by something. It will itch or become a rash at the very least, unless you’re bitten by the “king of beasts” and then it won’t really matter. For all lesser bites see a biteologist which is different than a biologist, but the biteologist will explain the empirical fact that, “that bites” is  simply a law of nature.

Law of nature number two. 2.  NUMBER TWO IS EQUALY AS DIFFICULT WHEN CAMPING FOR BOYS, OR GIRLS:

 The well established fact, that the act of a boy in the process of relieving himself in a number one fashion, and can be performed by said boys, behind any tree or in the middle of any field, does not in of it self prove a girl cannot. However Newton’s third law of motion is not gender specific and suggests  that whether you’re a boy or a girl, number two’s should only be performed when not having an opposite or equal reaction to baked beans from last nights campfire sing along over a log, way over there, downwind, from the campsite. 

Law of nature number three. 3.  YOU CANNOT EVER, AS IN EVER EVER, EVER, SIT BY, AROUND, NEXT TO, DOWNWIND, OUT OF REACH, UPWIND, DOWNDRAFTED, FROM THE SMOKE OF A DISTANT FIRE, WEINNIE ROASTER, MARSHMALLOW TOASTER, CAMPFIRE OR ANY OTHER FIRE.

 The smoke will get you right in the eyes. And both eyes at the same stinging instant which may remind you of the first law of nature which says when your eyes are full of smoke, (THAT BITES). (You do not need to see the biteologist for this, just stumble away from Smokey flaming heat source, trip on any rock, and fall to ground gasping for fresh air as you use law of nature number five. {( will get to this law, hold on.}

Law of nature number four. 4. RAINFALL, WATERFALL, NIGHTFALL, ALL THESE COMMON CAMPING EVENTS OCCUR WHEN YOU NEED IT THE VERY LEAST.

Droppages of water that come from the sky or you cascade over; always occur right before your son or daughter asks “dad, what’s the sound?” To which you calmly reply: “oh that’s a gale force rain storm nobody predicted from the national weather service, or honey don’t worry were just headed over that waterfalls not shown on my four hundred dollar GPS which is waterproof by the way.” When you get back to camp it is always after night fall, where you can hear law of nature number five, that goes from a single law of nature number one ( that bites) to a plural law of nature number five “ (this bites)”.
The trout whisperer