Joke

[Fishahollik]

A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of their first stops was the
breeding bull exhibit. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign
attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year."
 
The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "See ...  He
mated 50 times last year  .... once-a-week."
 
They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This
bull mated 120 times last year."
 
The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a
 
week! You could learn a lot from him."
 
They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in
capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year."
 
The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said,
"That's once-a-DAY. You could REALLY learn something from this one."
 
The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the
 
same cow."
 
NOTE:   The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to stable
and the doctors say after months of rehab and a couple more surgeries he
will likely be okay.

[Bufflehead]

 

[GRIZ]

What's worse than a drunk and loud woman?

A sober quit one.

The drunk one will be more agreeable the next day.

[Big Slick]

The same cow...Ouch!!!  :o

[revhoot]

  funny ... that made my day

[Big Slick]

I'm going to steal this joke for my "Other" Forum.
Thank You.

[JohnWester]

ok, here is another one.


A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant la wyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own.

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Tennessee. We settle small disagreements like this; with the "Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?"

The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth.

The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."

[I love this part....]

The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.

[Joe]

Both of those are great.

[bowhunter73]

Hunting Beaver

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up.  The
doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said "Things are
great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is
pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a
story. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and
never misses a season. One day when he was setting off hunting, he was
in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead
of his gun. As he neared a lake he came across a very large male beaver
sitting at the water's edge.  He realized he'd left his gun at home and
so couldn't shoot the magnificent creature but out of habit he raised
his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting
rifle and went 'bang, bang'. Miraculously, two shots rang out and the
beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that?" asked the
doctor.           

The 80-year-old said, "If you ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a
couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly.

[DaveO]

Subject: TAKE THAT!!
>>
>> Amen!!!
>>
>> A United States Marine was attending somecollege courses between
>>
>> assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of
>>
>> the courses had a professor who was avowed atheist and a member of the
>>
>> ACLU.
>>
>> One day the professor shocked the classwhen he came in. He looked to
>>
>> the ceiling and flatly stated, "G od,if you are real, then I want you
>>
>> to knock me off this platform. I'll giveyou exactly 15 minutes."
>>
>> The lecture room fell silent. You couldhear a pin drop. Ten minutes
>>
>> went by and the professor proclaimed,"Here I am God. I'm still
>>
>> waiting." It got down to the lastcouple of minutes when the Marine got
>>
>> out of his Chair, went up to theprofessor, and cold-cocked him;
>>
>> knocking him off the platform. Theprofessor was out cold. The Marine went
>>
>> back to his seat and sat there, silently.The other students were shocked
>>
>> and stunned and sat there looking on insilence.
>>
>> The professor eventually came to,noticeably shaken, looked at the
>>
>> Marine and asked, "What the hell isthe matter with you? Why did you do
>>
>> that?" The Marine calmly replied,"God was too busy today protecting
>>
>> America's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupidcrap and
>>
>> act like an asshole. So, He sent me."
>>