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Author Topic: Defining Women?  (Read 4509 times)

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Offline bambambiggero

  • Outdoorsman
  • Posts: 33
  • Karma: +0/-0
DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

         40-ish                        -       49
         Adventurous               -       Slept with everyone
         Athletic                      -       No tits
         Average looking          -       Ugly
         Beautiful                     -       Pathological liar
         Contagious Smile        -       Does a lot of pills
         Emotionally secure      -       On medication
         Feminist                     -       Fat
         Free spirit                   -       Junkie
         Friendship first            -       Former very *friendly* person
         Fun                            -       Annoying
         New Age                    -       Body hair in the wrong places
         Open-minded              -       Desperate
         Outgoing                    -       Loud and Embarrassing
         Passionate                 -       Sloppy drunk
         Professional               -       Bitch
         Voluptuous                 -       Very Fat
         Large frame                 -       Hugely Fat
         Wants Soul mate         -       Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

         1. Yes                                  =       No
         2. No                                    =       Yes
         3. Maybe                               =       No
         4. We need                            =       I want
         5. I am sorry                           =       you'll be sorry
         6. We need to talk                   =       you're in trouble
         7. Sure, go ahead                    =       you better not
         8. Do what you want                 =       you will pay for this later
         9. I am not upset                      =      Of course I am upset, you moron!
       10. You're very attentive tonight    =      is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH


         1. I am hungry                                     =       I am hungry
         2. I am sleepy                                      =       I am sleepy
         3. I am tired                                         =       I am tired
         4. Nice dress                                        =       Nice cleavage!
         5. I love you                                          =       let's have sex now
         6. I am bored                                         =       Do you want to have sex?
         7. May I have this dance?                       =       I'd like to have sex with you
         8. Can I call you sometime?                    =       I'd like to have sex with you
         9. Do you want to go to a movie?             =       I'd like to have sex with you
         10. Can I take you out to dinner?              =       I'd like to have sex with you
         11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit    =      I'm gay

And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces  attractive depending on where  they are in their menstrual cycle .

For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.

However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.

My gravestone will not say " I wish I would have worked more..."