Grizology

[GRIZ]

I was doing some searching and found some old wisdom we should be reminded of.

if ya fall and land on your head ya wont break your feet.

do sheep shrink when it rains?

do they put clean underwear on you when you die?

how do porcupines mate?
wouldn't it hurt?

if it takes a chicken and a half, a day and a half, to lay an egg and a half then how long would it take a frog with a wooden leg to kick all the seeds out of a dill pickle?

if dogs can smell 100 times better than us why do they have to get so close to smell each others butt?

who looked at a pig in a mudhole and thaught "bet that tastes good"?

why do they call it the funny bone when it can't even tell a good joke?

does a hair lipped dog sound like mark-mark?
if so do people named mark turn around?

ever driven down the road and a bird craps on your windshield?
aren't ya glad cows can't fly?

why do people walk all around the house the house a couple times looking for the tv remote when the tv is only 10' away?

ever heard someone say "i found it in the last place i looked". gee why would they continue to look for something they already found?

where does recycled toilet paper come from?
think about it.

if someone needs a pliers and says "wanna grab me a pair of pliers" do they want 1 or 2 pliers?

why is a wrong way sign half way sown the street?

if a square has 4 sides.
a triangle has 3 sides.
then how many sides does a circle have?
how many on a ball?

did anyone lose a butt kickin contest to a one legged man this weekend?

[jigglestick]

let me tell you all about the first time I met Griz.
it was about ten years ago. this ol pickup parked just down the road from my house but I didn't see it pull up or the driver so I didn't pay to much mind to it.
going about my buisiness, I heard a shot ring out. now I get the picture. so's I amble over to the truck still parked in the same spot and wait and sure enough out of the woods comes this scruffy looking poor excuse for a representative of the male species in general. so I says " excuse me" "whatcha doin on my land there"? the guy says " I was driving along and saw this here partridge fly into the woods here so's I got out my shotgun and went in after it".
"well" I says back" that's all fine and dandy, 'cept this here is my land and it's posted "NO TRESSPASSING"!!
"jeepers, I never saw the signs".
"sure am sorry" he says.
"well, I tell you what.... there's two ways we can handle this situation". "you can hand the bird over to me and be on your way, or I can call the sherriff".
"aw geez mister, I just got out of jail.....but this is the first partridge I ever shot and I'm pretty darned proud of it".
well, being the understanding sportsman I am, I offered up one more option.
"I tell you what, there is one more way we could handle this". "around these parts, when we have a dispute such as this"." we take turns kicking each other in the pills".
"the first guy to drop to his knees is the looser"
you win, you keep the bird and drive away".
"If I win, I keep the bird".
with an obvious look of relief on his face he gladly jumped at my offer".
"now since this here is my land, it is customary that I go first".
He agreed that that should be no problem,
so...he stands there square up to me, and I wind up from right field and like a pent up mule, I send one home. I swear I lifted him a foot off the ground. his face turns red, he gets all hunched over cradling his gut, gasping for air, he wobbles, he teeters...and just when I think he's going down, he takes a deep breath and to my surprise, he straightens up. with a big ol grin, he say's "my turn".
with a bigger grin, I says back "your bird"

[GRIZ]

WHIMP!  Thats because you lack the grizzly attitude

[Dr.Bob]

Ah, that explains it.

 

[WoodChuck]

  :) what a way to start a lazy sunday! with a laugh and a griz, and then there is a jiggles , who makes your beer belly jiggle with laughter. thats a great story !?

[GRIZ]

if evolution is true couldn't people have sex w/monkeys and have hairy kids?

why do people say it was a "free gift" aren't all gifts free?

if thaw means to unfreeze then when people say "unthaw something outta the freezer" are they trying to say not to unfreeze?

why is a bra singular and panties plural?

does a blackbird grow up to be a crow?

how come wiseguy and wiseman are opposite as are overlook and oversee, but to slowdown or slowup mean the same? go figure!

where does the rubber go when a tire wears out and why aren't there piles of it laying on the road?

does the light really go out when you close the refridgerator door?

"i am" is the shortest complete sentence in the english language, could "i do" be the longest?

what ever happened to generic beer the stuff in the white can that just said "beer"?

why is it snowing now? (not wisdom)

why are people more violently opposed to fur than leather? is it because it's easier to pick on a rich old lady than a biker gang?

how does a shelf salesman keep his store full?

does anyone ever vanish with a trace?

if a chronic liar tells you he is one do you believe him?

how come "quite a lot" and "quite a few" mean the same?

why do people sing "take me out to the ball game" when they are already there?

if you throw a cat out the car window are they kitty litter?

if someone has a case of the clap and it spreads is it called an applause?

what do people in china call their good plates?

do chickens think rubber people are funny?

are boulders just statues of big rocks?

how do they get the deer to cross between the yellow signs?

do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

b4 they invented the drawing board what did they go back to?

if common sense was actually common wouldn't more people have it?

why can vegitarians eat animal crackers?

if a turtle has no shell is it homeless or naked?

is it a good thing if you have a vacuum that really sucks?

if pro and con are opposites then does that mean that progress and congress are too?

why do they call the 3rd hand on a clock the second hand?

how do they calculate the lenght of a cord for bungee jumping and who tests it?

why do they push with a tug boat?

the plural form of mouse is mice why then is plural of house houses?

do bleached blondes pretend to have more fun?

if vegtable oil comes from vegetables and olive oil comes from olives where does baby oil come from?

why do we call it a building if it's already built?

why would you smell your finger after wiping your butt?

how come laughter and slaughter don't ryme?

after a drastic weather change why do people drive like idiots? when we get a snow storm everyone tries driving in the ditch and when it warms to 70 degrees people drive w/their middle finger in the air.

that sign that says "stay off grass" how'd it get there?

where'd the idea of being gay come from? and wouldn't they die off since they don't reproduce?

why do people sit in their truck on a daily basis thinking "will it start"?

if a person thinks about now by the time you thaught about it, it's past. so present must not really exist just the future and the past. now thats something that requires some deep thinkin.

well i should prolly go to town and get somemore wisdom and somethin to think about. i'll be able to fight the snow too.

#288 griz

[HUNTER2]

If I come up there and trespass on your land Jiggle I will try and remember my nut cup!  :o good story

[GRIZ]

H2

 AND YOU ARE ACTUALLY SOBER ENOUGH TO KNOW A GOOD STORY? ???

[HUNTER2]

BURP I think it was a good story! ::)