The Affordable Boat Act

[Lee Borgersen]

                        The Affordable Boat Act..

 The U.S. government has just passed a new law called: "The affordable boat act" declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new boat, by April 2014. These "affordable" boats will cost an average of $54,000-$155,000 each. This does not include taxes, trailers, towing fees, licensing and registration fees, fuel, docking and storage fees, maintenance or repair costs.

 

This law has been passed, because until now, typically only wealthy and financially responsible people have been able to purchase boats. This new laws ensures that every American can now have a "affordable" boat of their own, because everyone is "entitled" to a new boat. If you purchase your boat before the end of the year, you will receive 4 "free" life jackets; not including monthly usage fees.

 

In order to make sure everyone purchases an affordable boat, the costs of owning a boat will increase on average of 250-400% per year. This way, wealthy people will pay more for something that other people don't want or can't afford to maintain. But to be fair, people who cant afford to maintain their boat will be regularly fined and children (under the age of 26) can use their parents boats to party on until they turn 27; then must purchase their own boat.

 

If you already have a boat, you can keep yours (just kidding; no you can't). If you don't want or don't need a boat, you are required to buy one anyhow. If you refuse to buy one or cant afford one, you will be regularly fined $800 until you purchase one or face imprisonment.

 

Failure to use the boat will also result in fines. People living in the desert; ghettos; inner cities or areas with no access to lakes are not exempt. Age, motion sickness, experience, knowledge nor lack of desire are acceptable excuses for not using your boat.

 

A government review board (that doesn't know the difference between the port, starboard or stern of a boat) will decide everything, including; when, where, how often and for what purposes you can use your boat along with how many people can ride your boat and determine if one is too old or healthy enough to be able to use their boat. They will also decide if your boat has out lived its usefulness or if you must purchase specific accessories,(like a $500 compass) or a newer and more expensive boat.

Those that can afford yachts will be required to do so...its only fair. The government will also decide the name for each boat. Failure to comply with these rules will result in fines and possible imprisonment.

 

Government officials are exempt from this new law. If they want a boat, they and their families can obtain boats free, at the expense of tax payers. Unions, bankers and mega companies with large political affiliations ($$$) are also exempt.

 

If the government can force you to buy health care, they can force you to buy a boat....or ANYTHING else..

 

Yea...it's that stupid...

[Bobby Bass]

I have been searching for a new boat and have also found out there are a few more hooks to the plan. Did you know you can buy a boat with only one seat, or two or more. Of course the price for these boats grows as the number of seats. Also you can only have your boat service at certain marinas, forget about getting your boat looked over once a year where you did last year. Of course if you are an illegal immigrant you don't have to worry about buying a boat you can still just walk up to any dock and just borrow one. 

[Wyofish]

This analogy is so far off base it makes my head hurt. 

[The General]

This analogy is so far off base it makes my head hurt. 

Seems pretty close to me . 

P.S. Too many Tequila shots will make any ones head hurt.   Lay off the booze young fella they need you to stay healthy, get an insurance plan more expensive then the one you had before (if any) to include things you don't need like birth control pills.  However being friends with your old man I know you may need some testosterone shots.....scratch that you took out HD and Little HD you must have got you manhood from you mom's side of the family.      Lord I apologize for that one.

[Wyofish]

Don't underestimate the great Fawk Gable. He taught me a few things. Despite his advanced age and multiple pants pooping episodes, he is formidable.

[HD]

Besides Her General (Yup, the her is correct)  I didn't see you stepping up to the plate to take on the great Wyofish....

I may be old, but I gave er a shot.... 

[Fawkinnae]

Yes I'm especially formidable when curled up in a defensive - armadillo like - fetal position.




            ...and there you have it, the affordable boat act.

[deadeye]

I am also stuck looking for an affordable boat.  They said, don't worry if your not rich, we will help you pay for it. (sucks for the rest of you because somebody has to fork over the money).  Only problem is they would not tell me how much they would pay so I having a hard time deciding on just how big and fancy a boat I should buy (with your money).  So far I got answers like "it takes time to make it through the computers (what?) and they also dropped the "government shutdown" on me.  I guess they quit making boats for a while and now we feel the ripple effect.       

[The General]

Besides Her General (Yup, the her is correct)  I didn't see you stepping up to the plate to take on the great Wyofish....

I may be old, but I gave er a shot.... 

 I'ma lover and a fighter only when need be.  Plus wyofish had been away from pulling t@ts for to long i thought he may mistake something on me.

[deadeye]

Well, I finally got the government to tell me how much they will chip in for my new boat.  Turns out if you tell them you already have a boat, they just flat ignore you regardless of how many times you contact them.  So in case anyone else is looking for help (tax payer donations) buying one of these new boats, you simply must tell them you currently do NOT have a boat and whoosh, they respond in 2 seconds to let you know how much $$ they plan to give you towards your new boat.  Really cool only problem is you have "lie" a little when asking for the help. Go figure.  By they way, it was their idea to have me tell them I don't have a boat so I guess it's ok??   
I started looking at the new boats.  Turns out they all come with a number of upgrades that I have no use for.  I'm pretty sure my wife doesn't plan on bringing any young passengers on board.    

[DDSBYDAY]

  The free semi annual parachutes are a nice addition.  Totally no reason for them but they will be free.   Of course they will have to be built into the cost but who cares if someone else is buying.