Stupid outdoors jokes...

[HD]

"The Bear that crap in the Woods"- By Patrick Burke

One day a bear (Mr. Bear) was taking a crap in the woods. A squirrel (Mr. Squirrel) walks by Mr. Bear. "Hello there Mr. Bear, find day isn't it?" Asked Mr. Squirrel. "Why yes it is a lovely day Mr Squirrel," said Mr. Bear. "How are you Mr. Squirrel?" Asked Mr. Bear. "I'm doing good Mr. Bear, and yourself?" Replied Mr. Squirrel. "I am exceptionally well." Said Mr. Bear. "Why say Mr. Squirrel, does crap stick to your fur?" Asked Mr. Bear. "Why no it does not." Replied Mr. Squirrel "Huh." Said Mr. Bear. "Why would you ask such a thing Mr. Bear?" Asked Mr. Squirrel. Before he knew it Mr. Bear grabbed Mr. Squirrel with his paw, wiped his butt with him, and threw him in the woods. The end.


Deer joke
An 8 pointer, 4 pointer and a button buck are standing by a field browsing on acorns.

The 8 pointer says,
'I'm happy with my 10 does, we're really getting along.'

The 4 pointer says,
'I'm happy as heck with my 5, they really take care of me!'

The Button buck says,
'My two are all right, better than nothing I guess.'

Then all of a sudden a GIANT 14 pointer walks out into the field.

The three bucks had never seen anything like him before, they were in awe.

The big buck made a huge scrape and pissed in it, rubbed a tree the size of a telephone pole and snapped it off at the ground!

The three bucks looked on in amazement.

The 8 pointer says,
'I could probably get by with 4 does...........
Who really needs 10 anyway?'

The 4 pointer says,
'You know.............. come to think of it, I only really use one or two of mine!'

The button buck was silent, as the other two bucks look over to him in confusion.

Suddenly the Button buck runs out into the middle of the field!

He rips and tears up some grass........
pisses all over the place,
snorts & wheezes,
rubs his head raw on a tree,
and chews a lickin branch clean off!

Then he runs back over to his buddies.

His friends immediately ask him,
'What the hell are you doing!?'

I'm just makin' sure that big sumbitch knows I'm a buck!'

[Rebel SS]

THREE TREES AND A WOODPECKER

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into". 

[HD]

 

[Rebel SS]

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first communion.” “I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.” They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision.”   

[HD]

 

[attachment deleted by admin]